As I was riding around on lunch today I was taken aback by a radio news story that suggested people formerly thought to be reacting to road rage might actually suffer from something newly dubbed Intermittent Explosive Disorder. At first thought, you might suspect this new age infirmity is gastrointestinal in nature, but it's actually much different from the silmilarly named Intermittent Shart Disorder. Allegedly people suffering from intermittent explosive disorder are prone to sudden outbursts of violence or anger. The degree of aggressiveness in these fits of rage is usually way out of proportion to whatever supposedly provoked them. Didn't we used to just call these people assholes? Allow me to opine on this dreaded malady and the news story.
Thank goodness those bespectacled and goateed hoodwinkers are still coming up with some diagnoses for the guiltless and victimized to adopt. Weren't we experiencing a shortgage of disorders there for a while? I mean when Attention Deficit Disorder hit elementary school playgrounds it caught on like wildfire and spread faster than the latest clothing trends but others like Codependency Disorder and Manic Depressive Disorder seem to have lost their oomph and fizzled out somewhere in the early 90s. Or maybe we just eradicated them like polio. My guess is actually that the pill pushers at places like Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline have come up with a miracle treatment for the latest conditions and whatever this new pill is, it's just more profitable to market than the cures for those outmoded conditions.
How convenient for the drug companies, defense attorneys and psycho-label-phyliacs that the media ties this new disorder to a modern mass phobia like road rage. I just got through reading The Culture of Fear: Why Americans are Afraid of the Wrong Things by Barry Glassner. In it he talks about various fears Americans have taken on in spite of the lack of statistical evidence showing the fear is merited. He dedicates an entire chapter to the theory of road rage. Apparently the most alarming threats are the ones we can do very little about. Short of staying off the roads or driving armored vehicles, there's not much we could do to stop someone else from shooting us in our car if they wanted to. It doesn't matter that highway shootings are extremely rare. Because the odd case gets such substantial media coverage these fears are quick to take off with the stamina usually reserved for urban legends.
This disorder mania has gotten so far out of hand. It's as though we're expected to act like cookie-cutter automatons and anyone who steps out of line has a disorder. I was joking earlier about the Intermittent Shart Disorder, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's the next one to come down the pike. Also look out for Abnormal Sense of Humor Disorder, Poor Money Management Disorder and Failure to Obey Stop Sign Disorder. Some highschoolers will suffer from Fourth Period Erection Syndrome while others will struggle with Caught Without a Tampon Syndrome. Sure as shootin', psychaitrists will associate these with a chemical imbalance so that, joy of joys, the pharmaceutical companies can come up with a pill to treat them. Just imagine the money to be made all around.
I'm sure all this may sound harsh to some but just chalk it up to my Irreverent Rambling Disorder. My family and friends have long hoped for a cure. Maybe they need to adopt a ribbon or bracelet in recognition of my state of mind. In the meantime, do you think I could get away with parking in the handicap spot?
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