Y2K+ Parenting

This morning Meryl was sitting in my lap rolling a toy car around my shoulders and over my head.

Meryl: (bringing the car to a stop) Here we are at the library.

Me: Who works at the library?


Meryl: Mommy.

Me: What does Mommy do at the library?

Meryl: Pick out books.

Me: What else does she do?

Meryl: Type on the computer.

Me: What does she type?

Meryl: Dot org.

What had happened was . . .

There are those who like to apologize for their absence from the innerwebs by prefacing their buhterial with some long diatribe as to why they haven't blogged in so long. Then there's me.

Movin' on.

I have recently begun taking the local movie theater up on their offer of a free kids' movie once a week. At two years of age, Meryl is limited in the amount of time she can successfully spend in a dark room crowded with half-eaten tubs of popcorn and sugar-laden daycare kids, so we've yet to make it through an entire film. Fine with me. Somehow neither Evan Almighty nor Doogal really managed to keep me on the edge of my seat for very long.

You see, the movie is free but pickings are slim. On our most recent trip, we could have seen Shrek 3, but since I haven't seen the first two episodes in the Shrek trilogy, I'm sure I'd be lost. The other option was a Veggie Tales flick.

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the allure of proselytizing legumes that want me to accept them as my personal lord an savior. That's wrong an that's ig'nant. Don't get me started.

Another new local diversion for us has been the Goodwill store. I have written about the Goodwill before. Readers can learn more about my experiences with this charity-driven bargain barn by clicking here. But remember! Kevin is a monkey so he can do things you can't do.

Goodwill is nice because I don't have to worry about Meryl breaking things anymore than they're already broken. Plus the store's not that big so I can usually find a comfy spot on a dusty couch while she runs around or tries out the circa-1984 treadmill. The thing's not turned on so for some reason she likes to jump on it like a trampoline. Sure, we get a few stares from fellow shoppers, but who cares? They're not the boss of me.

One granola looking grandma in a pink tanktop and faded camo pants (both of which looked like she had bought them on a previous visit to the store I might add) did rub me the wrong way by asking if I was "babysitting today." God, how I hate that. I responded with my usual No, I'm parenting. I do it everyday to which she replied Let me get back there and check out that sewing machine, wouldya? I think she was one of those ebay people.

Anyway, parenting is good, marriage is good, and life is good.

It's all good.

Help Laverne Help Cory's Closet!

Sometimes a guest blogger is better than an extended hiatus, especially when the guest blogger supports a worthy cause. Without further ado, here's the scoop from my sizza-in-law:

. . . My nephew Cory B. Fleming passed away in April, just shy of his 16th birthday.

Laverne is a 1972 Porsche 914 that is taking up space in my garage. Cory was my shinning hope of Laverne leaving my garage. I entered our beat up 1972 Porsche in a Cumulus‎Address:

Unverified listing -

Removal requested ()-Radio Cincinnati - WRRM, WGRR and WFTK radio contest . . .and she made it to the not so sweet 16.

I would like nothing more than to win the 96.5 Rock Your Ride 10,000 make over, get the Porsche sold and donate the sale proceeds to his Memorial Fund - - Cory's Closet. The fund was set up in connection with King's High school to help King's High School students afford to play LaCrosse, not a school-funded sport.

I was SURPRISED to see Laverne made it to the not so sweet 16, so now I'm BLEGGING (that's a cross between begging and blogging) for help.

VOTE 1972 Porsche NOW!!! The only draw back to voting is you must be a "ROCKHEAD" which you can do at the time of voting and then unsubscribe once we've won!
It only takes a few minutes
http://www.supertalkfm965.com/96ROCKYOURRIDENotSoSweet16/tabid/222/Default.aspx


I hope that makes sense! Thank you in advance for your time & your VOTE
If anyone wants to learn a little more about Cory here's a link to his MySpace Memorial Page .

Caroline Fleming

Atlanta Rollergirls

Now y'all who read my blog more often than you clean your baseboards know that I seldom if ever ask you to give to any charities or anything like that. I don't ask people to jump rope for the cure or any other such nonsense. Just not my bag. But please hear me out. There are people who need your help.

I'm talking of course about the Atlanta Rollergirls. They kick ass and everyone who's anyone should run out and buy tickets to their next gig. I don't know when it is. Check their site by clicking hither.

Oh wait. That's wrong. Don't click there.

No, really. Don't. Please.

Here's their site: www.atlantarollergirls.com I knew I had it somewhere in my favorites.

The missus and I went to see them do their thing a couple of days ago and -- let me tell you -- you haven't lived until you've seen live roller derby. Remember Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? This is even better.

I'm talking sexy chicks on wheels! Mean women. The kind your mother warned you about and the kind your father secretly hoped you'd bring home so she could help build a new back deck or change a carburetor. I'm talking about chicks pushing other chicks off the track so they go sailing into the audience.

And whatever your taste in roller derby queens, there's something here for everyone. From what I could gather after watching the Apocalypstix take on the Sake Tuyas, roller derby is kinda like tug-of-war. You want people of all shapes and sizes.

Hey, remember what Freddy Mercury said? They make the rockin' world go round, right? Well, when it comes to roller derby those girls make the rockin' world go

round and round,
oh round and round
The meanest hunk o woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

I'm trying to come up with a way to express to you the fun Elaine and I had on our latest mystery date but frankly words elude me at this point. How can one accurately describe an atmosphere where tailgaters are welcome to imbibe in the parking lot (and bring in their own bubbly for a couple dollars) while those with preschoolers are welcome to bring their progeny in to see the show? We didn't bring Meryl on this go-around, but there were little ones there, and I dare say they enjoyed watching the game. Some of the little ones in the audience even had moms on the rink!

I'm not making this up, people.

So please. Operators are standing by and the Atlanta Rollergirls need your help. Sure, they perform at the Yaarab Shrine temple on East Ponce, but those shriners are too busy helping needy children to donate money to the bloodbath that is Atlanta roller derby. The future of roller derby is in your hands.

You simply have to see it to believe it, folks.

Trust me on this one.

Godfather who art in Kevin

Dear friends of ours have asked if I would be their child's godparent which, in and of itself, really should come as no surprise because I've been a parenting expert for a little over two years now, and if thinking you know everything equals all-knowing I've had a god complex for longer than that. If you put those two qualities together, surely you get the makings for a good godfather. Right?

Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Fully agreeing to this was something I did only after a healthy amount of self-debate. My understanding of godparents was that in the unfortunate event of the death of a child's actual parents, godparents step in and see to a child's spiritual wellbeing. My idea of spiritual wellbeing is usually limited to not drinking the grape before the grain, and even though I think that's good advice, it's not something I'd likely bestow upon a newly orphaned kid. Moreover I feel a certain amount of pressure just making sure my own daughter grows up in a healthy nurturing environment. God forbid my lack of godparenting skills should lead to my godchild growing up in a dysfunctional godfamily.

When I asked the friend what she hoped for from her new daughter's godfather, she expressed that she simply wanted someone to be there for her. Upon seeking advice from others, it's been suggested that I throw in a gift once a year or maybe a well thought out letter. This much I can certainly do, and in fact I think I'll look forward to it.

Even still gentle reader, I'm not without a few questions, namely: 1) Are you or do you have a godparent? and b) What all does godparenting entail?

Show your work.

Bloodborne pathogens: friend or foe

Just yesterday my wife returned home from work to find me eyeball-deep in an online training session on bloodborne pathogens.

I know what you people are wondering. You're wondering what type of job I have that I need to engross myself with the spreading of bloodborne pathogens. Go ahead. Say it.

You're wondering this very thing.

I don't generally discuss work here for a number of reasons, the main one being that I want to be able to secure a job in the future without my potential employer being concerned that I'm going to blather all the corporate secrets and dirty laundry on my blog. I'm honestly not about that, but you never know what a paranoid potential boss is going to think. I also like to use my corner of the innerwebs as a place to excape from work, which means when it comes to worky worky the rule on my blog is no talky talky.

Me love work long time.

That being said, I teach English to people who speak their own kinda talk at home. I only bring it up because I want to point out I'm not in a job where I generally encounter bloodborne pathogens during my day. I work contractually for very few hours and we just don't practice surgery in my class. We don't tattoo. We don't inject. And none of us are blood brothers.

I do work out of a state agency though, so I'm guessing this mandate was a hand-me-down from some higher ups at the state level in case one of my students decides to self-amputate during the final exam. At least now I know how to handle the situation.

Note to self: Buy Laytex gloves.

No glove; no abstract non-count noun expressing like or emotion.

101 interesting things about me

Occasionally when bloggers find themselves with little to write on, they post a list of things about them a reader might be interested to know. Here is mine:

1. I hate making lists.
2. That is all.

On a more uplifting note, here's a copy of a movie review for the film Evening that I just submitted to Netflix:

How such a stellar cast can come together and produce such insipid drivel as this is beyond me. The entire film takes place across two time periods and a dreamscape, all three of which are poorly transitioned from one to another. Something tells me this movie plays in one of the circles of Dante's Inferno. Just poor.