Atlanta Rollergirls

Now y'all who read my blog more often than you clean your baseboards know that I seldom if ever ask you to give to any charities or anything like that. I don't ask people to jump rope for the cure or any other such nonsense. Just not my bag. But please hear me out. There are people who need your help.

I'm talking of course about the Atlanta Rollergirls. They kick ass and everyone who's anyone should run out and buy tickets to their next gig. I don't know when it is. Check their site by clicking hither.

Oh wait. That's wrong. Don't click there.

No, really. Don't. Please.

Here's their site: www.atlantarollergirls.com I knew I had it somewhere in my favorites.

The missus and I went to see them do their thing a couple of days ago and -- let me tell you -- you haven't lived until you've seen live roller derby. Remember Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? This is even better.

I'm talking sexy chicks on wheels! Mean women. The kind your mother warned you about and the kind your father secretly hoped you'd bring home so she could help build a new back deck or change a carburetor. I'm talking about chicks pushing other chicks off the track so they go sailing into the audience.

And whatever your taste in roller derby queens, there's something here for everyone. From what I could gather after watching the Apocalypstix take on the Sake Tuyas, roller derby is kinda like tug-of-war. You want people of all shapes and sizes.

Hey, remember what Freddy Mercury said? They make the rockin' world go round, right? Well, when it comes to roller derby those girls make the rockin' world go

round and round,
oh round and round
The meanest hunk o woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

I'm trying to come up with a way to express to you the fun Elaine and I had on our latest mystery date but frankly words elude me at this point. How can one accurately describe an atmosphere where tailgaters are welcome to imbibe in the parking lot (and bring in their own bubbly for a couple dollars) while those with preschoolers are welcome to bring their progeny in to see the show? We didn't bring Meryl on this go-around, but there were little ones there, and I dare say they enjoyed watching the game. Some of the little ones in the audience even had moms on the rink!

I'm not making this up, people.

So please. Operators are standing by and the Atlanta Rollergirls need your help. Sure, they perform at the Yaarab Shrine temple on East Ponce, but those shriners are too busy helping needy children to donate money to the bloodbath that is Atlanta roller derby. The future of roller derby is in your hands.

You simply have to see it to believe it, folks.

Trust me on this one.

Godfather who art in Kevin

Dear friends of ours have asked if I would be their child's godparent which, in and of itself, really should come as no surprise because I've been a parenting expert for a little over two years now, and if thinking you know everything equals all-knowing I've had a god complex for longer than that. If you put those two qualities together, surely you get the makings for a good godfather. Right?

Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Fully agreeing to this was something I did only after a healthy amount of self-debate. My understanding of godparents was that in the unfortunate event of the death of a child's actual parents, godparents step in and see to a child's spiritual wellbeing. My idea of spiritual wellbeing is usually limited to not drinking the grape before the grain, and even though I think that's good advice, it's not something I'd likely bestow upon a newly orphaned kid. Moreover I feel a certain amount of pressure just making sure my own daughter grows up in a healthy nurturing environment. God forbid my lack of godparenting skills should lead to my godchild growing up in a dysfunctional godfamily.

When I asked the friend what she hoped for from her new daughter's godfather, she expressed that she simply wanted someone to be there for her. Upon seeking advice from others, it's been suggested that I throw in a gift once a year or maybe a well thought out letter. This much I can certainly do, and in fact I think I'll look forward to it.

Even still gentle reader, I'm not without a few questions, namely: 1) Are you or do you have a godparent? and b) What all does godparenting entail?

Show your work.

Bloodborne pathogens: friend or foe

Just yesterday my wife returned home from work to find me eyeball-deep in an online training session on bloodborne pathogens.

I know what you people are wondering. You're wondering what type of job I have that I need to engross myself with the spreading of bloodborne pathogens. Go ahead. Say it.

You're wondering this very thing.

I don't generally discuss work here for a number of reasons, the main one being that I want to be able to secure a job in the future without my potential employer being concerned that I'm going to blather all the corporate secrets and dirty laundry on my blog. I'm honestly not about that, but you never know what a paranoid potential boss is going to think. I also like to use my corner of the innerwebs as a place to excape from work, which means when it comes to worky worky the rule on my blog is no talky talky.

Me love work long time.

That being said, I teach English to people who speak their own kinda talk at home. I only bring it up because I want to point out I'm not in a job where I generally encounter bloodborne pathogens during my day. I work contractually for very few hours and we just don't practice surgery in my class. We don't tattoo. We don't inject. And none of us are blood brothers.

I do work out of a state agency though, so I'm guessing this mandate was a hand-me-down from some higher ups at the state level in case one of my students decides to self-amputate during the final exam. At least now I know how to handle the situation.

Note to self: Buy Laytex gloves.

No glove; no abstract non-count noun expressing like or emotion.

101 interesting things about me

Occasionally when bloggers find themselves with little to write on, they post a list of things about them a reader might be interested to know. Here is mine:

1. I hate making lists.
2. That is all.

On a more uplifting note, here's a copy of a movie review for the film Evening that I just submitted to Netflix:

How such a stellar cast can come together and produce such insipid drivel as this is beyond me. The entire film takes place across two time periods and a dreamscape, all three of which are poorly transitioned from one to another. Something tells me this movie plays in one of the circles of Dante's Inferno. Just poor.